How to Love Yourself More

Self-love and self-care seem to be hot topics right now. 

And I have also read articles stating it’s not just about self-care but a community effort that needs to be made to make our fast paced life do-able.  Really it depends on the person. I think we all agree a balanced amount of social time makes the have-to’s easier.  When we connect from the heart, there is a way our souls feel fed.  And then there are times we are lonely in a crowded room.  So what is the solution?

Love is a frequency, a vibration, and to be honest, I would say love is the healing balm for all wounds physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.  Ultimately we are responsible for ourselves in life, how we show up, how we seek love, how we give love, and most importantly how we fill our well on a daily basis.  If you are a person who thrives off of social connection, make dates with people and keep them.  If you are a person who recharges with solitude and alone time, make sure to carve out the time you need to charge your energetic batteries.  No one knows you better than you.  

I see people who seek coaches to tell them what to do and how to do it, but what scares me is when coaches try to tell you who you are.  No one knows you better than you.  And if you are not sure who you are, that’s where to start.

Getting to know yourself is a life long journey, and yes, a coach can be helpful when you have negative false beliefs about yourself.  If your coach is guiding you to love yourself more, and release negative false beliefs about yourself, awesome, high five.  More importantly how are you learning about yourself?

Here are some important questions to use as journal prompts when you are ready to look within:

 What makes you happy?

You are responsible for your own happiness.  If you are expecting someone else to make you happy, you have just given away your power to create happiness in your own life.

 What makes you pain free?  

If you are suffering from chronic pain, knowing what reduces or eliminates your pain is priceless.  Be willing to explore diet, exercise, new sleep positions, hydration, and therapy.  Therapy can include physical therapy, personal training, massage therapy, self-massage, Pilates, Yoga, mental health therapy, Craniosacral Therapy, body work, Spiritual Healing, prayer, and meditation.  Get curious about your own healing journey until you find what works for you.

 What feeds your heart?

This might sound like question #1 “What makes you happy?”, but I assure you the things that make me happy are not necessarily the same activities as what really feeds my heart.  If you asked me 10 years ago, if I would be praying up to two hours a day, I don’t think I would believe you.  Now if I don’t do my daily prayer practice at least once if not twice a day, I feel like I am starving spiritually.  Making prayer how I start and end my day keeps me level in ways nothing else could.  Find what you need to stabilize your heart and gives you unshakeable peace.

 Do you have a big picture plan?

People say, “If you want to make God laugh, make plans”.  I respectfully disagree.  I think when we dream it opens up a practice of creativity that makes us successful.  Get used to asking yourself: What would make me happy?  Is my life the way it is currently making me happy?  What needs to shift and change in order for me to feel satisfied and fulfilled in life?

A wise man once told me it’s good to have goals that go into the categories of “here”, “near”, and “far”.  I love to open a fresh notebook and write down all of my hopes and dreams, and then I take them into prayer.  In my imagination I visualize God scooping up my plans in a spiral of light, refining them, and then dropping the plans back down into my lap how God wants them to be.  Be open to dream, and be open for God to make holy revisions.  God knows you better than anyone else.  Be willing to face God and ask the biggest, most important question, “Who am I?”.  The more you know the answer to that question this last question will become easier and easier.

 What do you love?

If you are not doing what you love in this lifetime, I can only imagine life is going to feel heavy and exhausting.  Find out what makes you feel excited and learn as much as you can about that topic.  Be willing to learn about topics that support your area of interest even if they don’t create the same spark.  The more educated and knowledgeable you are in your field and the supporting areas, the more power you have to create positive change in your life.

Maybe you thought this blog was going to be about exercising more, drinking more water, going to sleep earlier, and having more sex.  Yes, all of those things too!  But if you don’t know who you are, it will all feel empty.  And when you are on the path of knowing yourself in love, your heart will feel fulfilled.